(un)Valentine's Day;

Its sunday, the end of yet another week.

My week's been pretty intense, with tutorials, soccer training, double cellgroups and services. I'm tired, but I've never felt better! Pst Niko's service was very encouraging, and the praise and worship for both days were amazing. It touches my heart to see people praising God wholeheartedly, especially on Saturday; where so many young people like me were dancing for joy in the house of God and lifting their hands in earnest worship.

So, Samuel and I were talking on Saturday, and he reminded me that Valentine's day was like only 2 weeks away. And I went, oh yeah, it falls on the first day of Chinese new year! And in my heart, I was like "Sc*** Valentine's Day!"

I know how Valentine's Day is not exclusively reserved only for couples. Its a day of love, and we can spend it with our friends and family as well. But then, its usually couples who celebrate V'day isnt it? You see hearts, lovey dovey gifts around etc; love is in the air (sigh)!

My last V'day spent with a special someone was like 3 years ago. Wow, I've been single for 3 years already! And so, of course, I havent been celebrating it. Well, yeah, I did bake cookies for friends and all, but thats that. What I meant was, I havent celebrate it with someone special.

People say, being single is great, more freedom, I can do anything I want, I'm not tied down, why would I want to get attached, I mean, I can date all the people in town, I wont have to be heartbroken blah blah blah. You know what, THEY ARE LYING. LIARRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSS.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return." When you've loved once, and been loved before, you will never choose singlehood. Or at least I will never. I really think people are saying all the great stuff about being single only to make themselves feel abit better. Because I say that sometimes too. And I know its a lie.

I'd rather want to spend my v'day with a guy who holds my hand, who gives me sunflowers and tells me how much he loves me, and makes me laugh by burping, and hugs me tight like I'm his life, and I want to spend my v'day with him, and I will hold his hand, and give him my heart and tell him how much he means to me, and make him laugh by acting cute, and hug him tight like he's my life.

I know I may sound so shallow, or maybe desperate or whatever. But I dont care. I know whats its like to be love, and I miss that feeling so much sometimes. When I see photos of my friends with their boyfriends or vice versa, when I see val and her bf spending time together, when I see mommy and daddy, I will think "When is it going to be my turn again? Never again?"

I know how people say you're still young lar, got so many more years to go. But whatever. I just want more years to spend with that special someone what!

To tell you the truth, I hate seeing couples holding hands, smiling into each other's eyes, talking so sweetly to each other and all that other mushy lovey dovey stuff. But it makes me so touch at the same time. Bittersweet. Argh.

Thats why I've dreaded and hated feb 14th for the past two years, and I'm sure this year will be no exception. 14th feb's just too overwhelming for me. I'm not a huge fan of it. I will feel depressed and suffocated, and somehow 24 hours later, I'll be normal again. Its like the full moon for the werewolves you know.

Sometimes I think there's really something wrong with me lar. Maybe I'm too boyish or too spoilt or too ugly or too fat or whatever thats why still single. Haha.

Hmm, so I'm rather glad this year, that at least v'day is not an isolated event itself. At least it falls on the first day of Chinese new year. Which makes things better I guess. Cause in the noise of "pong ah!" and in the busyness of collecting angbao, winning money, and eating like hungry ghosts, the effects of v'day will be drown out. And I'd have better things to do instead of thinking about all the lovey couples saying I love you to each other. Haha.

So dont ever believe anyone, anymore, if they say being single is great. Its bullshit. Who doesnt want to be love man? Who doesnt want to have a chance or another opportunity to think for days, of the best and most special present you can make or buy for the one you love?

Well, they say 2012 the earth ruptures (although thats bullshit too). So, I hope that at least in 2011, I'll get to a happy girl on vday. Haha. Like that, 2012 wont be so bad!



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Footnote: This is not an emo post. Its just an expression of my feelings and thoughts towards love and vday and singlehood. Haha.

And I'm still going to catch the movie Valentine's Day, because there's Taylor Lautner, and many other hot stars like Jessica Alba and Taylor Swift and the list goes on!

Love,
theresa 30th jan '10 8:57pm

My stomach got a lot of gas;

Today, I've realised that I cannot be a social worker!

Because I'm simply not strong enough to set aside my own values and accept a conflicting one, when I feel its wrong and should be change and I have no power to change it.

Social work, as I've learnt today, is so much more complicated than just helping people. Somehow, I think the ethics and all attached to being a social worker is kind of bullshit lar. Too much to elaborate.

BUT its an interesting module because we discuss about conroversial social problems and all that, like abortion and homosexuality and all. I love discussing all these stuff! Can just go on and on and on and on and on.

Sometimes, I wish I'm smart enough and more eloquent and witty, because it would be great to be a lawyer! Haha. Wow...

So anyway, Christina played the guitar for Jody's cellgroup today! She was good! :D I wish I can master a musical instrument. But always give up half way. Sigh.

Increasingly it seems, I really enjoy hanging out with my friends from church. But I do miss my old friends too. Its always so difficult to meet up once we've gone our separate ways. I dont know, friends come and go. People come and go. But I dont want that. I want them to stay. I want to stay too. Sometimes, relationships just dissolve. I dont know how. It just happens, like gradually, overtime. There's no need for fights or conflicts. It just happens, and suddenly one day when you are free enough, you would ask "How did it happen?".

Okay, sometimes I get abit emo for no particular reason. Maybe cause my stomach got alot of gas today ah. So uncomfortable! Must go toilet to fart out the gas. Haha. But it doesnt work leh! Still got a lot of gas.

Anyway, because I want to have a reason to stay online longer, I've decided to upload our timbre photos! My secondary school classmates and I, celebrating dorothy's birthdyay. Omg, I cant believe we were nerdish, toot toot kids once. Everybody did change and we all look better! Haha.























































































Love,
Theresa 30th jan '10 2:11am

Soccer balls & awesome tuts;

Okay firstly, I hesitated over the title for my blog post. Should I write soccer ball or football?

Because both are actually referring to the same sport no? The Americans call it soccer (I expect because football clashes with American football), while the English calls it FOOTBALL. However, Singapore, being a former British colony, we adopt their way of spelling and pronunciation and all I expect. So then, why do most of us refer to football as soccer? Women's soccer, the soccer team, soccer match etc. But English clubs we support like MUFC, LFC... they go by Football Club.

And I think football is a very convenient word too. Because soccer is the sport, and soccer ball is the ball. But football refers to both. I mean, you dont go, "This is a football BALL" right? Because its understood. But if you say soccer, you would need to explain "This is a soccer BALL", because you cant refer to the ball and say "This is soccer". Haha.

And I think football is more appropriate as well because we play with our foot, hence football. I dont really know how the term soccer came about. And like American football, why do you call it football when you run with the ball and bang each other about and only kick the ball over the pole when you score a touchdown? And the ball is not even round, so is it even a ball? When we say ball, must it be round? To me, balls are supposed to be circular in shape! Haha.

Secondly, I realised some names for sports are really straightforward. Like basketball, because you know, the aim is to score it into the seemingly basket like net. And then we have volleyball, cause I assume you have to volley the ball over the high net, hence the name volleyball? And eh, what else we have... Table tennis! Because its like tennis, but you play on the table. And squash, because you hit the ball so hard against the wall so it would be kind of like squashed. And rugby, I supposed its because its a rugged game, so someone decided to borrow "rug" from rugged and form "rugby". And baseball because the aim of the game is for your team to run to their bases. There's also bowling cause you have to bowl the pins over!

But of course, there are some sports which I have absolutely no idea on how their names come about. Like, cricket, and pool, and hockey and wakeboarding and softball (the ball is softer meh!) etc etc. And of course, soccer itself.

So anyway, after hesitating, I've decided to go ahead with soccer still, because thats what most of us here are familiar with! Hahaha.

So the point of this post is, it feels good mingling around and kicking and dribbling the ball once again! It was very refreshing for me, and to clad on my soccer shorts, socks and boots made me so happy. I feel so chio yesterday, even though I may actually be looking like some rugged, boorish girl. Haha.

The 10 rounds round the seemingly large soccer field, and multiple sets of core strength exercises were really a test of mental strength for me. Especially because I've not be exercising for soooooo long. But I felt good, sweating out and all. I do kind of miss those intensive trainings back in jc, but not in the way where I'm willing to do them all over again. Haha.

I do really have to improve my touches once again though. As always, my problem is also low confidence. Damn. But eveybody's nice, especially Yiting and Yinhong (my capt). They constantly clap and shout encouragements to the team. I really like my capt alot. The first time we met, I already like her. She's a good example to the team, a very nice girl, a very good soccer player etc etc. But most importantly, she treats us all well! :D She's one of the main reason I join back the team! Haha.

On the way home, Huiying and I began talking about stuff like life and death, heaven, afterlife... I must say, it was a pretty depressing talk in a way, but also very realistic. Because one day, we would need to experience loss and grief. But I really think time will heal all wounds. Of course, such separation is too painful for our wounds to be healed completely; scars still remain. But the thing is, we learn to move on.

So anyway, my tutorials so far have been AWESOME okay! Made friends, and the tutorials sessions were very engaging. But still, I lack the confidence to speak out in class. I'm fine with group discussion but I'm not like those vocal classmates of mine, who can talk and talk and talk alot. I dont know why they dont feel shy one!

But of course, now that tutorials have commenced, we are all suddenly bombarded with group project works and presentations and all those time consuming stuff! AARGH! But my group mates seemed nice thus far. So I hope everything well go well this sem for me!


click to enlarge

Soccer is the international language that connects people, but separates friends! Haha!

Every time when friends get together, we'll talk about soccer, and suan each other's club to the max. Haha. Nice or what.

Love,
Theresa 28th jan '10 9:43pm

JALAINE & CHRISTINA;

YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOO IRRITATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love being busy;

So, I've decided to continue with varsity soccer and I've also joined the Society of Social Work today. I'm really happy, because I'm realising one of my goal of being active in campus life, and doing enriching activities.

There's soccer training tommorrow, and I'm really hoping that my touches are still there! :D I'm sort of looking forward to it. I miss dribbling and kicking and playing with the football so much, it hurts! Haha.

I'm also going for a sign language course organised by the SSW! I know its going to be really enriching and exciting. Sign language never fails to intrigue me. Especially because during service, my cellgroup often sit behind the deaf and mute congregation, so there will be a person standing up signing, and I will always be looking on in curiousity.

And I'm really in love with all the modules I'm taking currently. Yesterday, I even dreamt of what I learnt in my Political Science lecture! Hahaha. God is good indeed, and I wanna shout His praises!

While feeing happy and positive, I cant help wondering at the same time, how at this moment, people all over the world are actually going through different emotions from me. Someone out there may be euphoric, sad, hurt, unhappy, glad, over the moon, angry, pissed, at the same time as me feeling happy. Its amazing to think that at this moment, somebody is going through a whole set of different siuation that renders him that particular emotion.

Someone out there at this moment may be having an orgasm of their lifetime. Someone out there at this moment may have lost their loved one. Someone out there at this moment may have been retrenched. Someone out there at this moment may have given birth to that lovely baby. Someone out there at this moment may jus realised that she's being cheated by the man she loved somuch. Someone out there may have just gave away her first kiss. Someone out there may just have prepared her first dinner fot the people she love. Someone out there may have lost big sums of mony due to investment failures.

And then I thought about the Haiti people. About how, at this moment, I'm feeling at peace in the comfort of my home after a great bath, with the priviledge to be typing away on my laptop. How, at this moment, many of them are living under terrible conditions, with people they know and love decaying away under the rubble, not too far away from them. How, at this moment, they're feeling so fearful because of multiple aftershocks that remind them of the first big quake that destroyed their homes.

Although I've never been through such natural disaster, I can empathise the fear, horror and loss they are going through just by putting myself in their shoes.

Seeing citicare sending doctors, nurses and relief workers over to aid these people makes me proud. But on my part, I really wish I can do something more for them. I wished that I can just pack up and fly over to volunteer to help. Donations are important. But in their corrupt governmental system, will the money even get through? But then again, saying is easy, the doing always difficult. Helping out in such conditions is really way out of everyone's comfort zone, out of my comfort zone.

I admire and respect people who put their life on the frontline, who are willing to volunteer themselves in such dark times of need. The world surely needs more of them.

I pray that God will continue to use them to aid Haiti, and to bring light to this country. And I pray the God will stand by Haiti and the people, to give them peace, and to show them a way to recovery.

"Look at the world we live today
Look at the hurting everywhere
Let us see mercy and Your grace
Overflowed in every place
Let us be one with You today
And let your glory fall"

Love,
Theresa 26th an '10 11:45pm

Man are complicated;

You know how, as a christian, we're taught to love our neighbour as ourselves. And how God loved everybody, and so should we; to treat people around us with love and compassion.

And of course, how some people would say that ALL MAN ARE EQUAL.

But I realised, on our part, it can be difficult. Because of the environment we grow up in, we all develop some form of prejudices, and some of us will begin to discriminate. I mean, its very obvious what.

All the PRCs jokes and foreign workers phobia and all (plus many more).

Well, sometimes, because of bad experiences, we begin to build upon such prejudices, and share with the people around. AND THEN, we begin to generalise. ALL [insert particular race] are LIKE THAT!

And sometimes I'm out with friends and they will talk about it, and we will laugh about it and all. But after that, I just get very sick with myself. I mean, hey, we get all upset when we heard that chinese are being discriminated in australia. And we call them racist.

ARENT WE TOO? And sometimes, it seems we're discriminating our race even, and proudly proclaim the fact that we're Singaporean chinese, stressing on "SINGAPOREAN".

I dont know. I just feel quite sensitive about this (especially regarding the china people). Maybe because working for my aunt had allowed me to made friends with china workers, who are really awesome and hardworking. And the other time as well, helping a group of china students for their orientation over here in Singapore. The woman whom I go to have my eyebrows thread is also from China, and she is very service-oriented and treats you really well.

I feel they are all great people. Really great. And very friendly too. So I think thats how such prc comments became very personal to me. I mean, its bad enough that they have to leave all behind and travel all the way to Singapore to study or work or whatever. And then, still having to be looked down upon.

I mean, yeah, they can speak really loud sometimes, and for some reasons, Singaporeans just get so easily irritated by them. But I guess, knowing some personally and working with some of them before kinds of help me to overlook any negative aspect that people are always pointing out.

So anyway, I've just accumulated bile in my stomach, and anytime soon, I really have to throw up. Just went to one of my favourite blogger's website and she posted this real life account of what went through the mind of this Japanese cannibal as he murdered and ate up this Dutch lady. I'm sill giddy after reading it. Plus, there were photos of her body okay!

I enjoy watching criminal minds, learning about the different crimes of man and their sick, twisted minds. And of course, there were cannibalistic cases as well. But I dont get like really gross out.

But reading the account on the blog, I seriously felt so sick. He was writing it like a love story okay? And the photos were awfully gruesome. And when I saw them, I was like "Hey, its a real dead body there. Its not a dummy corpse." And like, omg, its just so overwhelming.

And guess what? This cannibal was accquitted of his crime lar! I dont know how, and he even became a mini Japanese celebrity. I expect there was a huge outcry from the Dutch. But GAGS! Where's justice? This crime is inhumane okay! They should at least lock him up in an asylum or something. But anyway, he's an old man now! Probably he will burn in hell when he dies.

You know, how God forgives us of all our sins?

Sometimes, I think murder is too big a sin to be forgiven.

But then again, I'm not God.

theresa 24th jan '10 10:24pm

Liverpool red;

YNWA

That is the Reds; with a sense of purpose.

Love,
Turtle 21st Jan '10 12:41pm

If I were to drink Amortentia, I will smell the pages of new book;

Amortentia: Most powerful love potion in the world.

What it does: Causes the drinker to become obsessed with the one who gave them the potion.

Characteristics: Smells differently to everybody, according to what attracts us :D

For Hermione, she can smell freshly mown grass and new parchment and I expect Ron. Haha. I think for me, it would be the smell of new books, hot chocolate, baby johnson blue colour body soap.... aaahhh.

Went out for dinner with my dear Kathy today. While waiting for her at JP, I went to Harris' to look at the books. I simply love hanging out at bookshops!

And the Lost Symbol by Dan Brown was on 20% off! Since it was published, I've always wanted to get it. But the price was abit too hefty. So since there's a discount, I quickly grab the opportunity. Saved 10 bucks! Haha. Bought it for $38. Quite alright actually. I bought my 5th to 7th Harry Potter books as soon as they came out, so it was like $50 plus I think! More expensive.

So, had dinner at mos burger with kathy. We finally got to meet up after a few months! Really happy! It was a great catched up today. We just kept talking and talking, like in our jc days. She got me earrings and necklace from f21! :D

After dinner, we just walked around the mall, and we came back to Harris, and guess what! I found The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold! I think it was Lengshan who told me that this is a great book. And I've never really thought of reading it until now, cause the movie is coming to cinemas already. And I was really tempted to buy it. And I bought it! :D :D :D

I'm so happy today, because I've got two great books that are waiting to be read, and because its great meeting kathy again!

I enjoy buying books alot. I know to some its a waste of money, because you can borrow them from the library. But to me, its kind of like a collector's item. Like how people collect stamps or soccer merchandises or whatever. Of course, its an expensive form of hobby. And you need like space too, to arrange your books (which I lack because my house's too small already.) So, next time, I should devote one room of my house and design it as my personal library! Haha.

"To live in the world without becoming aware of the meaning of the world is like wandering about in a great library without touching the books"
- The Secret Teachings of All Ages

Love,
Turtle 20th Jan '10 10:56pm

I wanna dance & sing like glee;

"Fellow glee clubbers, it would be an honor to show you how a real storm out is done. I encourage you to follow my lead."
-Rachel

Glee is AWESOME.

I can watch it once, or twice, or thrice and still not get enough of it. The series is just so creative, and it makes you wanna hold your hair brush to your mouth to sing and dance along! Not to mention how it can make you laugh, and irked you at the same time! And oh! I love their outfit for the series as well! I think its colourful and looks good on them. Especially Kurt's (the gay guy). So new age.

Unfortunately, we all got to wait until April for the next few episodes of Glee, because the crew is taking a long hiatus. But still, its just so amazing. Jas said she can get goosebumps by hearing them sing, and thats so true! I wanna be in a show choir! I wanna join Glee club! :D :D :D

Ever since taking theatre studies module last semester, I kind of developed a liking and an interest in performing. I mean, all along, I'm not one who have stage fright. But to perform and act, or even sing and dance in front of an audience is just so satisfying, a wonderful experience. I know you'll get the butterflies at first, but I think the performance process is just so fulfilling.

I admire friends like Maria and Erika who have been performing on stage and in front of crowds since I dont know when. It surely takes a lot of courage, but more than that passion. And of course, GIFT. I would really love the opportunity to be able to perform on stage! Haha.

And watching glee really shows me the importance of using your gift and talents as well! I know its just like a show, but I can feel the passion from the actors when they begin performing. I can only go "WOW WOW WOW..."!

Okay, enough of ranting.

I really want to go back for soccer trainings. But I'm afraid of being left out and all. The team had already bonded over the last few months, and I'm afraid I wont have any chemistry with them. And the coach, I dont know, there's just something there. I guess I should give myself time to bond and all. But the first step is always the scariest. Haha.

Anyway, my grandma's condition at the rehabilitation centre seemed to be deteriorating. Everybody's worried sick. Her condition is really erratic now. Hopefully, things will turn out for the better. At the mean time, we've just got to trust the doctors, nurses, therapists and of course Jesus :)

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"So I put my hands up
They're playing my Song
The butterflies fly away
Nodding my head like Yeah
Moving my hips like Yeah
I got my hands up
They're playing my song
I know I'm gonna be ok
Yeah It's a party in the USA
Yeah It's a party in the USA"

Love,
Turtle 19th Jan '10 8:52pm

My Sunday;

The strength of a human heart is amazing.

I really understood what the sacrifice of praise and worship meant today during service. My arms literally felt too heavy to be lifted up to worship God, my voice seemed to be stuck somewhere. And its painful. But like what Willy said during bible study today, the Holy Spirit is our Comforter, my Comforter. The best place to be to seek solace is still in the House of God :D

I'm really really psyched to hear the good news that after so many unsuccessful attempt, the church has finally found the best plot of land to build our new church building on. Its really amazing, a promise from God coming to pass. I want to be a part of the Arise & Build campaign, to build this spiritual home of mine. I cant describe the elation and joy everyone of us felt today :D

I think everybody needs a best friend. I knew my bestie since Secondary 1, and what drew me to him was because he looked like my cousin. We've been through alot; drifted apart, Cold War blah blah blah, but still, he is always there. Someone once told me he does not believe that a platonic relationship can exist between a girl and a guy. A small part of me agrees with that. It had been tough. But it does not mean that it cant happen. I'm really thankful that till today, whenever I'm feeling down and out at 2am on a Sunday morning, my bestie will pick up his phone and make sure that I will be alright.

I'm also missing my other buddy, teo jingwen! The other person who've been through shit with me since Sec 1 too. And of course, not forgetting the crazy, good times. Havent been spending much quality time with her, which kinda sucks. She's been a very busy teacher lately. But I'm expecting for a meet up soon! :D

So, this week's been pretty pleasant, since tutorials have yet to be commence. Here are some stuff I did to pass my time:





XLB with my favourite girls. XLB is simply addictive!







Chomp chomp with marcus!

Today's also my sister's boyfriend's birthday! Got him topman giftcard cause according to mei, he adores topman. He got me a birthday present last year too, so got to repay the gesture. But more than that, he has been an awesome boyfriend to her, treating my baby sister so well and loving her so much. Its good to see my sister being so happy!

"Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins"

- Green Day

Some songs just touched you so personally because they're so raw.

Love,
Turtle 17th Jan '10 11.59pm