i need to take a breather. december has been a power-packed month for me and its whizzing pass at an alarming rate. i'm teetering on the brink of exhaustion, yet i refuse to rest because school is reopening in a few days' time, and it would mark the end of my personal leisure moments- all play and no work!
the month of december has also been quite an emotional ride for me as i journeyed through different incidences that often caused me to question about life and God Himself.
incident #1: my family went overseas to taiwan in a tour group on the 19th to 26th dec, and our particular tour group consisted of 3 families, including ours. we made good friends with one of the family, whom have 3 daughters and 1 son.
the parents are very amiable and warm, and so are their children- very helpful, very cheerful and thus it was simply without a doubt that they are a close-knitted family. it always makes me feel closer to home when talking to their family, and furthermore, they are christians, who strongly believe in God.
their father, in my opinion, was a very good man, who loves his children alot. sometimes, his youngest teenage daughter would sit on his lap throughout long bus journeys, and from the way both father and daughter converse with each other, is concrete evidence the strong bond they have between them. often, he would chat with my family as well, and he was really, somebody you would respect.
however, my family extended our trip in taiwan for two more days for our free and easy time. thus, we did not return to singapore with our tour group, who went back on the 24th dec, which was the monday of this week. inititially, we wanted to exchange contact numbers with each other, but in the end, we didnt because of other stuff. sis and i felt somewhat sad as we might not be able to see them again.
but sometimes, life has a funny way, a funny to the point of sick way, to let you meet people you know once again.
my soccer steamboat gathering at my place on friday night, 28th dec, ended with a hollow thud in my stomach. my family saw the news on channel 8 and an article on lian he wan bao, announcing the tragic death of the father of the family we got acquainted with in taiwan. he was ran over by his own container truck on thursday, 27th dec. it was only about 3 days after their return from their fun-filled family trip.
this news shaken and disturbed me quite badly, for such death was not meant to be. it was so unpredictable, so sudden and indeed tragic. i could feel the family's grieves from the short clip from the news and the news paper article itself. how could God take away his life with a snap of the finger, without any warning, without any explanation? he's a devoted christian and a good husband and father, and now his family lost him just like that. the pain of losing somebody you love, knowing he can never speak to you again, express his love through a hug, or come back home through the front door is pain beyond sanity. life will never be the same for his wife and children. time can never really heal, especially if you put much faith in God to protect your family, yet it does not seem to be happening so.
i feel angry and disgusted by the way life can sometimes be. suddenly in my mind, i see life as a very brilliant man. brilliant but certainly bored. he needs some drama every once in awhile, so he causes events like that to entertain himself, so he could sit at a corner to watch how people struggle and eventually wither away, thus relieving him of his boredom. suddenly, i feel afriad to live, because i do not know if i can withstand the shock, pain and grief if life decided to play one of his antics on my family or friends.
sometimes, seeking comfort in God is not possible when He puts you in so much doubts.
incident #2: 4e1 class chalet on 26th dec to 28th dec and thus, upon touching down at the airport, i rushed to the chalet, which promised 3 days and 2 nights of fun. indeed, i enjoyed myself thoroughly, especially with the company of daryl, yishu, khine, wany yu, yuzhen and many others. it was exhausting yes, but i believe all of us did not want it to end. but time is weird because it has this irritating habit of ticking away so quickly when one is enjoying himself. on the 3rd day of the chalet when we checked out, it occured to me that we will all be seperated again. class chalet next year again? maybe, maybe not. but must we wait so long to meet each other up, to want to be in each other's company?
but year 2008 will be a busy year for many of us, especially the jcs us who will be preparing and mugging hard for the dreaded As. year 2 for the poly them will definitely be more tasking what with countless projects and maybe attachments too. yishu for example, will already be in ns and so he will spend most of the time booking in. to fork out quality and quantity time to meet each other up is thus going to be very difficult and we would be reduced to communicating online or via smses with each other. these means of communication however, can never compete with the joy and happiness one would feel being in contact physically with each other.
we tell ourselves we have to meet up, to stay in contact and whatnot. but ultimately, will we drift apart and forget such pacts we made with each other? probably, because its happening to some of my friends and i now. BUT still i believe if we want to keep our friendship going strong, nothing can really stop us. it will definitely mean we have to make sacrifices in some aspects, but as the saying goes "no pain no gain".
friends are really your self-chosen family, people whom you can never do without.
to daryl lai: cheer up alright! we have been friends since primary one lar. we sure will remian friends til death do as part hahaha! dont forget our biweekly kind of dinner or something yeahh. love you! =D
incident #3: he promised to be my best friend still, even after that decision we made 5 months ago. but it seems that all was a lie. it seems that the decision we made was not to give each other another chance to find new love, but for him to walk right out of my life.
he used another handphone number without letting me know, and he became so disinterested in my life. i really miss him alot and it hurts me so deeply to know that i'm no longer the girl in his life. those words he whispered in my ears, those promises he made to me... has he forgotten them? and now sweet nothings, he speaks to his new love. does he hugs her the way he hugged me? does he hold her hand the way he held mine? does he care for her the way he cares for me, or maybe even more?
i know i might have been a pain in the ass for him, often calling him and smsing him even after our breakup. but he was my life for 3 years and i've loved him. loved him more than anything. he was my best friend too. and oh, how i wished he was still. its him i run to not only in times of trouble but happiness as well. its really not easy letting go and seeing someone you thought was your happily ever after now loving another girl. i thought the wound might have already healed, but i was wrong.
somewhere deep inside me i'm still hoping...
countdown tml at esplanade with weizi and dont know who else. new year new beginning new challenges. but really, its not easy leaving the past behind. it will still trail after us, sometimes a stumbling block. yet, we live for the present and the future so if we want to succeed or fulfil an inner desire, we've got to think positive and most importantly, learn to let go quickly enough. theresa seah, learn to let go. please.
the month of december has also been quite an emotional ride for me as i journeyed through different incidences that often caused me to question about life and God Himself.
incident #1: my family went overseas to taiwan in a tour group on the 19th to 26th dec, and our particular tour group consisted of 3 families, including ours. we made good friends with one of the family, whom have 3 daughters and 1 son.
the parents are very amiable and warm, and so are their children- very helpful, very cheerful and thus it was simply without a doubt that they are a close-knitted family. it always makes me feel closer to home when talking to their family, and furthermore, they are christians, who strongly believe in God.
their father, in my opinion, was a very good man, who loves his children alot. sometimes, his youngest teenage daughter would sit on his lap throughout long bus journeys, and from the way both father and daughter converse with each other, is concrete evidence the strong bond they have between them. often, he would chat with my family as well, and he was really, somebody you would respect.
however, my family extended our trip in taiwan for two more days for our free and easy time. thus, we did not return to singapore with our tour group, who went back on the 24th dec, which was the monday of this week. inititially, we wanted to exchange contact numbers with each other, but in the end, we didnt because of other stuff. sis and i felt somewhat sad as we might not be able to see them again.
but sometimes, life has a funny way, a funny to the point of sick way, to let you meet people you know once again.
my soccer steamboat gathering at my place on friday night, 28th dec, ended with a hollow thud in my stomach. my family saw the news on channel 8 and an article on lian he wan bao, announcing the tragic death of the father of the family we got acquainted with in taiwan. he was ran over by his own container truck on thursday, 27th dec. it was only about 3 days after their return from their fun-filled family trip.
this news shaken and disturbed me quite badly, for such death was not meant to be. it was so unpredictable, so sudden and indeed tragic. i could feel the family's grieves from the short clip from the news and the news paper article itself. how could God take away his life with a snap of the finger, without any warning, without any explanation? he's a devoted christian and a good husband and father, and now his family lost him just like that. the pain of losing somebody you love, knowing he can never speak to you again, express his love through a hug, or come back home through the front door is pain beyond sanity. life will never be the same for his wife and children. time can never really heal, especially if you put much faith in God to protect your family, yet it does not seem to be happening so.
i feel angry and disgusted by the way life can sometimes be. suddenly in my mind, i see life as a very brilliant man. brilliant but certainly bored. he needs some drama every once in awhile, so he causes events like that to entertain himself, so he could sit at a corner to watch how people struggle and eventually wither away, thus relieving him of his boredom. suddenly, i feel afriad to live, because i do not know if i can withstand the shock, pain and grief if life decided to play one of his antics on my family or friends.
sometimes, seeking comfort in God is not possible when He puts you in so much doubts.
incident #2: 4e1 class chalet on 26th dec to 28th dec and thus, upon touching down at the airport, i rushed to the chalet, which promised 3 days and 2 nights of fun. indeed, i enjoyed myself thoroughly, especially with the company of daryl, yishu, khine, wany yu, yuzhen and many others. it was exhausting yes, but i believe all of us did not want it to end. but time is weird because it has this irritating habit of ticking away so quickly when one is enjoying himself. on the 3rd day of the chalet when we checked out, it occured to me that we will all be seperated again. class chalet next year again? maybe, maybe not. but must we wait so long to meet each other up, to want to be in each other's company?
but year 2008 will be a busy year for many of us, especially the jcs us who will be preparing and mugging hard for the dreaded As. year 2 for the poly them will definitely be more tasking what with countless projects and maybe attachments too. yishu for example, will already be in ns and so he will spend most of the time booking in. to fork out quality and quantity time to meet each other up is thus going to be very difficult and we would be reduced to communicating online or via smses with each other. these means of communication however, can never compete with the joy and happiness one would feel being in contact physically with each other.
we tell ourselves we have to meet up, to stay in contact and whatnot. but ultimately, will we drift apart and forget such pacts we made with each other? probably, because its happening to some of my friends and i now. BUT still i believe if we want to keep our friendship going strong, nothing can really stop us. it will definitely mean we have to make sacrifices in some aspects, but as the saying goes "no pain no gain".
friends are really your self-chosen family, people whom you can never do without.
to daryl lai: cheer up alright! we have been friends since primary one lar. we sure will remian friends til death do as part hahaha! dont forget our biweekly kind of dinner or something yeahh. love you! =D
incident #3: he promised to be my best friend still, even after that decision we made 5 months ago. but it seems that all was a lie. it seems that the decision we made was not to give each other another chance to find new love, but for him to walk right out of my life.
he used another handphone number without letting me know, and he became so disinterested in my life. i really miss him alot and it hurts me so deeply to know that i'm no longer the girl in his life. those words he whispered in my ears, those promises he made to me... has he forgotten them? and now sweet nothings, he speaks to his new love. does he hugs her the way he hugged me? does he hold her hand the way he held mine? does he care for her the way he cares for me, or maybe even more?
i know i might have been a pain in the ass for him, often calling him and smsing him even after our breakup. but he was my life for 3 years and i've loved him. loved him more than anything. he was my best friend too. and oh, how i wished he was still. its him i run to not only in times of trouble but happiness as well. its really not easy letting go and seeing someone you thought was your happily ever after now loving another girl. i thought the wound might have already healed, but i was wrong.
somewhere deep inside me i'm still hoping...
countdown tml at esplanade with weizi and dont know who else. new year new beginning new challenges. but really, its not easy leaving the past behind. it will still trail after us, sometimes a stumbling block. yet, we live for the present and the future so if we want to succeed or fulfil an inner desire, we've got to think positive and most importantly, learn to let go quickly enough. theresa seah, learn to let go. please.
posted by theresa at
10:56 PM
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