sis brought her boyfriend home to study the whole day today. its like, they are so obviously together, and my mommy still continues to deny so vehemently that they are just GOOD FRIENDS. parents are like from another planet some times.

anyway, my maid asked me with much cheekiness if i was jealous. haha. the honest answer is no, but i am envious :( i miss the feeling of being in a relationship, but ironically, i couldnt exactly remember how does it feel like. lol.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
’Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

i lied to my mom yesterday that i was going to school for extra econs lessons and would be studying after that. the truth is, i went for soccer training. i felt so damn guilty but that was the only way! she keeps scolding me for coming home so late after every soccer training, and consistenly bugs me with the question of why and when my training have not cease yet. i'm sure she would blow her top if i told her i went for training. whats more, training yesterday started at 230pm and ended like around 7. sometimes, white lies are inevitable. though of course, it does not exacly means its the right thing to do. but still.

and i think coach was shooting me indirectly during training yesterday when he scolded us all. yeahh, he should be because before that, he told me that i should perform as well during trainings as i do during matches, if not, there would not be any use. furthermore, as the captain of the team, i should set the standard, if not, the team would not follow. excuses not accepted. i got to really push myself.

"Don't feel entitled to anything you didn't sweat and struggle for." --Marian Wright
Edelman

right now, i feel like tearing. fall out with a good friend over inter-cca issues, but we made up tonight. last week, i was hurt and very angry over the whole thing as i could not see why cca might be more important than our friendship. but we cleared it up tonight, and i'm glad we did. things like this can be really frightening.

econs lecture test tml, topic on inflation. inflation is so everywhere. price inflation on rice, on electricity yadah yadah. hopefully, my econs marks will also inflate. haha. studied for it and i must do well. thus, to reward myself for being able to sit down and study (which is a rare case), i shall indulge myself in the liverpool vs everton match later at 1055! i had already got over the defeat against man u. shall prepare myself to celebrate liverpool's victory later! :)

happy 18th birthday

elaine!

spending elaine's birthday today was one of the best moments. brenda played the guitar and we all sang simple plan's song and some others too. elaine laughed and cried, and standing there, i know deep down, that this team is one of the most beautiful thing that could happened.

today, i was rather heavy hearted throughtout the match as i played the first half without most of them. i turned to my left and looked to my right on the pitch, expecting to find the familiar faces and sense of confidence each time i prepare to give a pass to them, but none came. coach kept substituting in the j1s and even into the second half, we all took the back seat.

being the pioneer batch, we did almost everything just among the 14 of us. no seniors nothing. just coach, miss lim and us. now, the new year brings along new j1s, new intakers who will share our pitch and every training. who will share the name we call ourselves, be it 'team' or 'soccerettes'. its no longer just the 14 of us, in our red jersey or green, no longer just the 14 of us in each training, with coach drilling us til our lungs cry out. no longer the 14 of us pushing each other and encouraging each other on. no longer.

we need the j1s so that women's soccer can continue. we've brought our cca thus far, and we dont want to see it collapse. to know that there are so many of them interested, we should be happy. but learning to accept them and to accept the fact that its no longer the 14 of us is not easy at all. its like an invasion of one's territory, or rather like sharing your husband with another woman kind of thing. many times, i felt like crying. i dont want anything to change at all. for me, or for all of us. its selfish on my part, i know. but thats how it is, how i feel.

gosh, i love you all :)






......................................................................

easter service was great, but i think expo's drama would be even better! Good Friday is surely good, for Jesus died for all our sins so that we could be reconciled with God. And Easter Sunday is the day to celebrate, because death no longer hold reign over man! :) Whether its the bondage of sickness, sins, doubts, shame or anything negative, we can find light in God :)

Isaiah 53:3-9, 12

He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces
from Him;
He was despised, and we did not
esteem Him.
Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our
transgression,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chatisement for our peace was
upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed
All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the
iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and He was
afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the
slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is
silent,
So He opened not His mouth.
He was taken from prison and from
judgement,
And who will declare His
generation?
For He was cut off from the land of
the living;
For the transgression of My people
He was stricken.
And they made His grave with the
wicked-
But with the rich at His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was any deceit in His mouth.

Because He poured out His soul
unto death,
And He was numbered with the
transgressors,
And He bore the sin of many,
And made intercession for the
transgressors (v12).

i love my family! mom and dad have been great, buying me lots of stuff lately. and treating me to fish and co. sis is busy with her boyfriend but still, she's willing to listen to all my nonsense. granny is the cutest and always makes me laugh. and my maid is great too! :D i feel blessed.

HAPPY 18TH

BIRTHDAY BABY

JASMINE!

hahaha. chris's made her milk bottle cards because yeahh, she's sometimes like a baby lol.

school's in! and i still cant get over the two little kittens and their round, innocent eyes! i didnt get a good night sleep because i kept thinking if they are still surviving and if they miss me! ohh man i wished my mom was kinder enough to let me bring the poor things home :( and the soccer girls laughed and took photos of me when i cried lar :/
thanks theresa for accompanying me to buy the catfood! haha :D

and i forgot to zip my jeans! lucky jingwen reminded me and then everybody started laughing and we started tickling each other on the sofa. brenda's feet went into my ass! hahaha. how nice!

and i'll say, best female actress goes to *drum rolls* ELAINE TOH! she acted so well, causing jas to believe that her soccer boots really fell from the 12th floor down hahaha! elaine cried somemore lar. if i wasnt part of the scam, i would have believed her too! haha.

BABY KITTENS :(

and i owe a whole pile of homework. yucks.

haha. got encouraged by another friend to delete one of my entry. jalaine told me to delete my previous entry because it may make things worse. well, she might be right because words used were rather harsh. at that point of time, i was really angry so blogging about it was a way to release my frustration and say what i really feel about the whole thing. now, when i'm calmer and not very upset anymore, i'm able to think with more rational, and yes, jalaine is right. i should delete my post. haha. but instead of deleting the whole entry this time, i modified it :)

today is indeed an eventful day in school.

1) after a certain period of "coldness", talked to you quite alot again today. dont know why but i really feel happy. thanks for the bball and soccer company this afternoon :)

2) played bball during their lit lecture as usual again. but this time, played with a group of j1 guys, and it so happened that one of them was like a fish head. because we played 4 on 4, with linda, bestia, yingquan and i against 4 of them, he kept making sarcastic remarks to his mates about us being girls (except for yingquan of course lar). like for example, when one of us girls scored, he would scold his friend and comment like "give girl score, shuang liao lar!". wah, i hear already feel like bashing his LJ face up. we won them in the end (RROOOAAARRR!) and it feels so good :) but after the game, linda was cursing away because she also cannot tahan his chauvinistic manner. haha.

please guys! underestimating a female's ability and capability is the biggest mistake you can ever commit :)

3) jingwen got roger to give me a baby hammie! like ohh my, because its the cutest, furriest, little thing on earth. we named it lorry, after jingwen's soccer nickname, and decided to treat it as our soccer pet. and i get to keep it! weeee! lorry got so many of us puppy talking and squealing, its really a wonder how small things usually have such power on big people. haha. right now, she's settling comfortably in her new home and seeing her sleep can make me go mad because she's really C-U-T-E!

4) today is the release of A levels results. elaine and i observed with alarming reality that none of the top scorers are sportsman! i hope chailing would break this trend (if its a trend in the first place). but come to think of it, we sportsman put alot of effort into our field of sports, and would definitely have lesser time for studies. to compensate time loss, many will study late into the night, and it sort of become a vicious cycle. however, whats this little price to pay if we can bring victory to our cca and score good grades for our As?

so anyway, 2007's geog results were bad in my opinion, with only 54% getting grade A-C. i panicked upon seeing this statistic flashed upon the screen because i'm a geog student and all geog students know how content heavy and tough this subject is! i seriously cannot afford to do so badly for even one subject for As! this is because it is a lamentable truth for all arts students that we are having a very difficult time getting into uni because those SCIENCE students keep fighting places in the arts faculty with us. how nice! :) but somehow or rather, it motivates me to study more diligently!

got back my chinese As results and *drum rolls* i got B with merit for oral! i'm very happy because As are not very common even though lixuan's and brenda's classes got almost full As. but they are CLL classes! but still, i do admire them because they are the truly qualified bilingual, who can speak both chinese and english very fluently. haha.

after getting the results, went up the hall to soak myself in the atmosphere. not much actually because its the usual- much talking, much laughing and a handful disappointed j3s crying. wa combing every inch of the hall for n and c but couldnt find them. was disappointed initally but finally saw n in the canteen. my jaw dropped lar. she's so H-O-T! really, my idol haha :) but still, c wasnt in sight.

5) soccerettes helped out for finals of issac. entertaining game, especially so for the females ofs vs gess because there was penalty shoot out to determine the final winner. stress sia. even as a spectator, i feel the butterflies. gess win even though they have like 11 years old players because they were solid. plus gess's goalie was superb. like superwoman because she can really fly! yiting was "waohed away" by her.

guys final- mjc vs uwc was a rather unexpected one, because we were all counting on uwc to win, especially when they took the lead 1-0 in the first half. but into the 2nd half, they lost it. final score 3-2! another lesson learnt though- angmohs are not always superior to us :) but still, number 8, the steven gerrard look alike, blew me away!

soccerettes, as usual, couldnt decide on the colour and design of our new jerseys. i so wanted pink but the rest strongly objected! however, the other designs and colours were not very nice either! such a headache when it comes to this kind of thing!

6) last but not least, the highlight of today! some of us soccerettes played soccer on the D-court with the boys "soccer clique". we played until 8 plus and it got pretty dark, we couldnt much make out the shape of the ball. it was fun and challenging at the same time, because the guys were fast and more skilful than us. but heyy! we won them 5-3 *punches the air* brenda, who camoufalges herself so well, scored our very first goal against the guys. i scored the 2nd goal, then chai scored the 3rd. 4th goal i headed in and scored, and chris's final nice shot into the goal ended the game. we were all estatic lar! but of course, the guys may have played more relax with us. nevertheless, i feel playing with guys can improve our soccer alot :) so happy!

7) saw c later at the bus stop and quickly walked away with lixuan and chai. i dont know why i so paiseh to see c :( but still, i hope i managed to win the bet i made with c last year so i can receive the hug and tshirt!

so i shall have a good rest after such a tiring and exciting day! shall rejuvenate myself for tml's training, grandma's birthday party, and campfire back at bbss!

lazy to bold my words today so shall colour it! haha :)

hello girlfriend,

please grow up. committing mistakes are man's nature, and to do so, is an acceptable and hopefully, a forgivable thing. just confess that you've done wrong and apologise for it! why do you run away from what you've done and go into cowardice hiding? you are so thick even, to deny that you are not in the wrong, and have been wrongly accused.

what makes your attitude even more "worthy" to be condemned is your frustratingly disgusting habit of finger pointing. it is apparently so that you are at fault, yet you pushed the blame to others, weaving excuses for yourself. fine, blame us for not telling you that you are blunt during times when you were, but only did so during the thrashing out session. fine, blame the teacher for calling you up last minute to help out for the event. last minute or not, you gave your word. its not the matter of not daring to say no, but the core subject is that you said you would go!

running away by not replying her messages or calls is only temporary. you would have to face the music soonner or later, so why ask us all to lie and cover up for you? your level of immaturity is manifested even more so when you try to get us all thinking along with you, that you're the victim and the teacher is the predator of some sort. if you really did not do anything wrong, then why is it that you're so afraid to face her!

and its not about sacking you of your post, its about the responsibility you hold as a leader in our cca and the pride you should be carrying as a vice. when you said "sack then sack lor!", it greatly disappoints me. i wish you would take things more seriously and try gaining the respect of your teammates. your mindset and attitude is really wrong, and disgusting too. you're 18 this year and carry on this "i heck care and i'm always right" attitude, it will not get you far in the future.

we are not going to get entangled together with you in your web of lies. and i will not render you support of any kind until you face your mistakes, apologise sincerely and change from it.

really, grow up princess.
..........................................................................

thanks yiting! for the ice cream treat today :) you're really sweet!

..........................................................................

sunday's church service was a revelation for me. it made me see once more the importance and impact of servanthood. it is indeed so true that
"one can serve without loving, but cant love without serving. if you love someone, you've got to serve him or her."
and because you love him, serving him will be something you would do willingly and joyfully.

i used to laugh and mock at my school's councillors for doing "sai gang" for the school. but only during last service did i realise that its because of the love for the school and the desire to see the school grow to become a more conducive and better place, that these councillors put in so much hard work in serving the needs of this school. whether they do it just for show or really out of love, i cannot judge. but i know that the school would not be able to function properly without them. gosh, i'm sorry that i used to criticised them!

anway, i pray to be a humble enough person, to be willing to serve those around me whom i love, and especially more so, serve God. serving one does not of course neccessarily mean washing somebody's feet or what, but it also mean helping the person and being there physically for him on your own will, and at all times, despite any differences in status etc you both might have. most importantly, one should not be egoistic and be filled with pride of that sort, for this form of pride breaks a man, but humility builds him up and makes him worthy of respect.



chris's birthday was a hell lot of fun yesterday! singing of a modified birthday song so loudly in the canteen, cake smashing and opening of presents! hope you like your gigantic chuppa chupp. lick it to sleep sweetheart! happy 18th!

history and econs tests tml! all the best turtle :)

we won vjc today, 1-0, with a goal from christina darling! :D wasnt very tired from today's match, maybe because coach put chris and me as strikers today. i felt i played not too bad today, but i could definitely push myself even further. the team was good and hardworking too, and although yiting said she didnt played well today, i think otherwise :)

half way through the second half, coach changed me to defensive midfield. got quite blur after that because i keep thinking that i am playing stopper, which was my usual position on the field. still managed it though! the juniors were daring and did put in effort even though they are really fresh. they came for only 2 trainings at most, yet are gungho enough to run and chase and kick for the ball. cant wait to pull in more potential juniors :) lixuan still played during second-half despite her sprained ankle, so proud of her! and chai managed to make it for our match too, which i see it as a blessing from God. because her absence could really make alot of difference!

however, i belive that my team should improve and can improve tremondously. even though we won vjc today, we should not take it easy because today's victory does not determine tml's. also, heard from yiting that their very steady midfielder was not in play. and not forgetting, vjc did put in their j1s too. we still got to train harder and treat every training seriously. this period of time would be challenging for us all because studies and trainings would definitely take a toll on our already exhuasted body. nevertheless, we got pull through together! :D and fight hard for A division babies! top 4 yeahh! :D

anyway, vjc's coach was really very very very fierce. if he's my coach and he lashed out at me, i'm sure i will wee wee in my panties! gosh, no wonder i love my coach!

after the match, the bus sent us back to school and we all went to lunch at imm. took 99 and we girls dominated the upper deck. we were discussing about the match and got really excited so we talking at the top of our voices. once in awhile, chai or somebody will remind us to lower down our volume but soon after we were like loudheaders again. then this very i-dont-know-what-to-say lady who was sitting behind us, got up and as she walked past us, she reprimanded us in this very 'fish'-up tone "very noisy!". we all were shocked and we were like, shit. i got very angry, because of her stupid tone, and i called after her "public place leh!" i know i shouldnt have done that because yes, we were indeed very noisy. but she was alighting from the bus and even if we were really irritating her, she should just tell us before that so we could spare her the agony for the rest of her journey. and say nicely and more politely lar! like "girls, could you lower down your volume? its actually quite noisy." but sometimes, people should actually try to understand, you can never expect peace from a bunch of girls. girls live to talk! sighs my only worry now is that she will complain the incident to our principal. haha then probably thats D-Day for me!

we ate pasta on sphagetti express or something at imm, because of elaine's recommendation. the dishes were not too bad, and the soup was delicious. though i felt quite cheated because it was supposed to be clam chowder soup, but instead, there was no clams, only chicken meat! i guess they run out of the seafood! haha. after lunch, we strolled around for quite some time even though i really wanted to head home. at least received a little cute reward from giving in to jasmine's request- we went to "tong" $1 coin into those small small machines to get those keychains. i got a cute dumbo elephant! hanged it on my teambag. its blue and so adorable! although what i really wanted was tinkle bellm dumbo's great too! tzerjing got daisy duck (donald bell! haha) and jingwen got pooh bear. ohh and jingwen was hilarious yet again. she said daiso as dai-SAW! hahaha.

on our way home, huiying told us her super funny experience in the toilet after we return to school from the match. brenda lixuan and i couldnt stop laughing! so sorry cant place it in my entry because its pretty embarrassing an incident too!

tml's my ahma birthday and i'm going to get her a bear bear to hug :)

now's nap time for me!



this was sent by me to sabo tzer jing. haha i bet nobody knows about bayern munich. look down and squint hard and you can see the liverpool msgs i sent. some idiot finds joy in opposing me and kept sending stuff, saying arsenal is better. PLEASE.

gosh, its march already :/