My Chinese New Year;
Mig asked me how was my Chinese new year this year. I told him it was rather special for me. And different too. I would like to share my new year experience. But I dont know where to start! Okay, let me try.
Side note: Its going to be a long post!
My dad's side of the family is very big, with nine children, four girls, five guys, with my daddy being the youngest and also my ahma's favourite. So ever since dad got married, ahma had been living with him. So as soon as I was born, I was already living with my ahma and ahgong. Gong gong passed away when I was four, and so I dont really have much memories of him.
But my ahma and I are very close, and I love her alot. As some may know, before this cny, my ahma was hospitalised for about a month. She came home on the Thursday before the new year, the same day my dad returned from Doha. But then, her condition is kind of deteriorating. Earlier on already, she had been showing signs of dementia. After the long hospital stay which caused her to be so dependent on the nurse and diapers, her condition got worse.
Since ahma lives with us, all my relatives will come over to eat and bai nian on the first day. Like, really huge crowd cause there are aunties, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. This cny, ahma didnt give away angbaos, and she was very blur and quiet. My ahma used to talk alot in the past, very talkative, and they always say she got a bad mouth! Haha. This year, there she is sitting on a wheelchair, looking distant and in her own world.
Everybody came to bai nian to her, and some people, she actually cant remember. And she talks so softly, like there's no strength in her anymore. And I look at my cousins, whom many are married already. And there's like a baby boom in my family. Lots of babies and toddlers from all my fertile cousins! Haha. And I look at my aunties and uncles, at how some of them have grown older, or have some illness like heart problem.
And then it struck me, that what I'm looking at is really the cycle of life. The new babies, my cousins and nieces and nephews around my age, the older cousins, and all my aging aunties and uncles and grandma. They all said, ahma is the old baby now. Haha. Well, the old dont get old, the new cant come. I've realised how short life really is now.
Looking at my ahma, I've been thinking how many more cny can I spend with her. My ahma is like the link of all the relatives. Like we get together (like really everybody) twice every year for cny and to celebrate her birthday. If she's no longer around, I really wonder if we will still have such a bond.
This cny, all of us are worried for ahma. We talked about her, asking the big question "How are we going to manage ahma now that she has dementia?" Cause she's behaving like a small kid already. They wanted to put her into a nursing home, cause my dad wont be in Singapore, and its just so difficult to take care of a dementia patient. It kind of spoilt my day, because I just cannot accept the thought of putting her in a nursing home. In fact, mom dad and I quarreled about it later on, but thats another thing.
This cny, my mom showed everybody my birthday video in 1991, with everbody's younger face inside. You know, those kuku haircuts and big, round specs. And everybody laughed at the way they look last time. The family had indeed grown bigger, but more distant at the same time. I remember those days when I really played with my cousins, nieces and nephews so often. The past few years, we grow up, some got married, and you know, they dont often come to visit anymore and so, we got distant.
But I still like most of my relatives alot. I'm very happy when they come over. But I can really feel things are gonna change in the Seah family these few years, so this cny, I really tried to mingled with everybody. Added as many as I can on facebook too! Haha. Practically spent the whole day with most of time, way into midnight. Because I really dont know about next year anymore.
After my place, we all went to my super cool, androgynous cousin's rented terrace over at west coast. She called her house "the vice house" where everybody can do anything. Smoke, drink, gamble and whatever. Lots of my cousins are like that. Super cool, know how to enjoy life kind of people.
They have tattoos, smoke, drink, club, play good mahjong, have very complicated lifestyle, very generous, very hospitable, very filial, very friendly. Its like, even though they may indulge in all such vices, they are awesome people lor. I look at them and I see the kind of life that I might had have led. They knew I got a tattoo, and they were like "Good. When you're young, do everything you can! Go club and all, then when you old already, you wont feel like doing them anymore!" Haha. Hello? That was my motto in life. WAS lar. Haha. No matter how much I may want to live such a life, I know it would break my parents' heart and I know I would displease God.
I think, even at the prospect of turning 20 (omg), I'm still really finding out who am I, who I'm going to be, what I'm going to do. And I'm thankful this time I'm doing it with God's grace and guidance.
It was a bittersweet experience for me on the first day of chinese new year. My dad's back for awhile, and there was certainly reconciliation and bonding of my relationships with my relatives. My cousin asked me to hang out with her daughter and my other relatives more often. Like call, and arrange to go out. And yeah, I think thats what I should do. Open doors! But I sure hope it isnt temporal! But my ahma, she breaks my heart. Our heart. But I got to keep praying for her. And my dad, gonna miss him so so much again when he flies back on Thursday morning!
On my second day of new year however, it was awesome. Visited my mom's side which is much smaller in size. Haha. We all really really caught up with each other. All of us cousins chatted for a couple of hours and yeah, I was really happy! The perks of a small family. And I feel really good about today's reunion.
My mom's side of the family is really different from my dad's. They are more toned down, not the loud, gambling, high type like my dad's. I enjoy both kinds of company though!
But dont you feel that everything seems better and happier and more perfect when we were all younger? Somehow, Chinese new year do seem abit more fun. And everybody seems abit more closer.
I really hope that I can build more lasting relationships with my cousins, nieces and nephews. Since I can have close friends, then why cant I have my blooded relatives as my buddies right!
I hope everybody had an interesting cny too! Because soon, we'll be thrown back into the harsh reality of life, where work and assignments pile up before our very eyes!
Love,
Theresa 16th feb '10 1:50am
Side note: Its going to be a long post!
My dad's side of the family is very big, with nine children, four girls, five guys, with my daddy being the youngest and also my ahma's favourite. So ever since dad got married, ahma had been living with him. So as soon as I was born, I was already living with my ahma and ahgong. Gong gong passed away when I was four, and so I dont really have much memories of him.
But my ahma and I are very close, and I love her alot. As some may know, before this cny, my ahma was hospitalised for about a month. She came home on the Thursday before the new year, the same day my dad returned from Doha. But then, her condition is kind of deteriorating. Earlier on already, she had been showing signs of dementia. After the long hospital stay which caused her to be so dependent on the nurse and diapers, her condition got worse.
Since ahma lives with us, all my relatives will come over to eat and bai nian on the first day. Like, really huge crowd cause there are aunties, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. This cny, ahma didnt give away angbaos, and she was very blur and quiet. My ahma used to talk alot in the past, very talkative, and they always say she got a bad mouth! Haha. This year, there she is sitting on a wheelchair, looking distant and in her own world.
Everybody came to bai nian to her, and some people, she actually cant remember. And she talks so softly, like there's no strength in her anymore. And I look at my cousins, whom many are married already. And there's like a baby boom in my family. Lots of babies and toddlers from all my fertile cousins! Haha. And I look at my aunties and uncles, at how some of them have grown older, or have some illness like heart problem.
And then it struck me, that what I'm looking at is really the cycle of life. The new babies, my cousins and nieces and nephews around my age, the older cousins, and all my aging aunties and uncles and grandma. They all said, ahma is the old baby now. Haha. Well, the old dont get old, the new cant come. I've realised how short life really is now.
Looking at my ahma, I've been thinking how many more cny can I spend with her. My ahma is like the link of all the relatives. Like we get together (like really everybody) twice every year for cny and to celebrate her birthday. If she's no longer around, I really wonder if we will still have such a bond.
This cny, all of us are worried for ahma. We talked about her, asking the big question "How are we going to manage ahma now that she has dementia?" Cause she's behaving like a small kid already. They wanted to put her into a nursing home, cause my dad wont be in Singapore, and its just so difficult to take care of a dementia patient. It kind of spoilt my day, because I just cannot accept the thought of putting her in a nursing home. In fact, mom dad and I quarreled about it later on, but thats another thing.
This cny, my mom showed everybody my birthday video in 1991, with everbody's younger face inside. You know, those kuku haircuts and big, round specs. And everybody laughed at the way they look last time. The family had indeed grown bigger, but more distant at the same time. I remember those days when I really played with my cousins, nieces and nephews so often. The past few years, we grow up, some got married, and you know, they dont often come to visit anymore and so, we got distant.
But I still like most of my relatives alot. I'm very happy when they come over. But I can really feel things are gonna change in the Seah family these few years, so this cny, I really tried to mingled with everybody. Added as many as I can on facebook too! Haha. Practically spent the whole day with most of time, way into midnight. Because I really dont know about next year anymore.
After my place, we all went to my super cool, androgynous cousin's rented terrace over at west coast. She called her house "the vice house" where everybody can do anything. Smoke, drink, gamble and whatever. Lots of my cousins are like that. Super cool, know how to enjoy life kind of people.
They have tattoos, smoke, drink, club, play good mahjong, have very complicated lifestyle, very generous, very hospitable, very filial, very friendly. Its like, even though they may indulge in all such vices, they are awesome people lor. I look at them and I see the kind of life that I might had have led. They knew I got a tattoo, and they were like "Good. When you're young, do everything you can! Go club and all, then when you old already, you wont feel like doing them anymore!" Haha. Hello? That was my motto in life. WAS lar. Haha. No matter how much I may want to live such a life, I know it would break my parents' heart and I know I would displease God.
I think, even at the prospect of turning 20 (omg), I'm still really finding out who am I, who I'm going to be, what I'm going to do. And I'm thankful this time I'm doing it with God's grace and guidance.
It was a bittersweet experience for me on the first day of chinese new year. My dad's back for awhile, and there was certainly reconciliation and bonding of my relationships with my relatives. My cousin asked me to hang out with her daughter and my other relatives more often. Like call, and arrange to go out. And yeah, I think thats what I should do. Open doors! But I sure hope it isnt temporal! But my ahma, she breaks my heart. Our heart. But I got to keep praying for her. And my dad, gonna miss him so so much again when he flies back on Thursday morning!
On my second day of new year however, it was awesome. Visited my mom's side which is much smaller in size. Haha. We all really really caught up with each other. All of us cousins chatted for a couple of hours and yeah, I was really happy! The perks of a small family. And I feel really good about today's reunion.
My mom's side of the family is really different from my dad's. They are more toned down, not the loud, gambling, high type like my dad's. I enjoy both kinds of company though!
But dont you feel that everything seems better and happier and more perfect when we were all younger? Somehow, Chinese new year do seem abit more fun. And everybody seems abit more closer.
I really hope that I can build more lasting relationships with my cousins, nieces and nephews. Since I can have close friends, then why cant I have my blooded relatives as my buddies right!
I hope everybody had an interesting cny too! Because soon, we'll be thrown back into the harsh reality of life, where work and assignments pile up before our very eyes!
Love,
Theresa 16th feb '10 1:50am
posted by theresa at
12:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home