my hammie, minnie, passed away yesterday. i cried badly this time because i witnessed her death. it was feeding time, so i was feeding both my hammies. normally, they would wake up eagerly and scramble towards their food tray. but yesterday night, minnie didnt wake up and she was lying at one side of her cage. so i shook her to wake her up, but she didnt respond. i checked her breathing, and yes, her body was still moving up and down slowly. i shook her harder, but she continued to lay at where she was. she didnt even move her head.

weizi was holding on the line, and i started to freak out into the phone. i shouted for my maid and sis, and they both opened the cage and looked at minnie. minnie was still breathing but i guess, she was already almost gone. then slowly, her breath stopped. i ran to the room and woke daddy up because daddy loves both hammies alot. when daddy and mommy came out, i started crying and my granny said i crazy. but i was really sad. my maid, eka and i kept shaking her to wake her up, because at that moment, we dont believe that she was gone. but she was.

now, her cage's empty and lying one side in the yard.

i've been keeping hammies since sec 3, but minnie's death affected me rather badly because i witnessed it. although she died of old age, it was still so sudden. then, i started thinking about death again. something which i often do. but no, i'm not suicidal. and a friend just told me a death of his friend, which was very sudden and unexpected. and i started thinking of people i know dying, my ah kong, my uncle and a uncle from my taiwan tour group.

i was too young to understand the raw pain of death then, when my ah kong passed away. but now, i could feel it. even though i wasnt close to my uncle and was just a passing acquaintance with the tour group uncle, both deaths were so shocking and sudden. its like, one moment, the person is alive and kicking, and the next, he's lying there inside the coffin. and he looks like his sleeping, almost alive. but the next thing you know, he's returned to dust, never smiling at you again. the death of the singapore lawyer to the damned terrorists is also haunting me. like she's contacting her family and husband on the cellphone, and they're hearing her voice. next thing they know, she got murdered.

and i think, what's it like if you know death is coming.

my hammies death were sad and painful, and i cant imagine the grief if my love ones died. i know death is inevitable, but such eternal separation is just too painful to bear. whenever i think about this at night, i would cry to sleep. i cant imagine living without my ah ma, mom, dad and sis, as well as all the precious friends in my life. i think, even if you believe in religion, death can never really be a relieve of suffering, or it can never be easy.

in fact, sometimes maybe, its even scarier. say for example, you're a christian, and you believe that all believers go to heaven and those non-believers dont. while heaven is a beautiful place, but hell's not. but not everybody you love are christians, so... you get what i mean. and say, you're of a religion which believes in recarnation. then, you can never unite or meet the one you love again, after death. but if i'm a free thinker, then death would be nothingness. then where do the soul go? is there an afterlife?

..........................................................................

well, those are just my thoughts. on a happier note,

SOCCER MATCH TODAY!

had friendly with our juniors. would like to thanks 4 of the queensway girls for coming down to join our rojak team. haha.

it was a good friendly, and i am really happy today. takes my mind of lots of things. for one, got to see almost all of the girls today, after my Beijing trip. miss them so much! and coach too!

speaking of coach, he bought ac milian jersey for chai and i from thailand, and he dont want to accept back the money! so nice of him! :D

and then, wearing the red tournament jersey and playing with the team on the field reminds me of the good, old days, when we were staring out as noobs. it reminded me of our tournament too, where we felt the utter pain of loss, and the taste of victory at the same time.

most of us were unfit already. can tell from the warm up haha. jasmine's mucus was flowing out, and she said its going to come out from her eyes too. haha. plus, the sun was scorching hot! and i'm already burnt from 3 consecutive days of suntanning! but personally, i love the sun. and i was really overjoyed that chris made it from work! so proud of her! :D

suffered from endless teasings.

but still, it was fun when the match kicked off! 45 45 15 and 2 sets of penalty shoot out! woots! its tiring but still, we're all dying to play so we keep making subs. tzer received her first leg cramp! painful like shit right! so anyway, jas scored 2 goals (almost hat trick though, but she off side), lixuan scored one and valerie scored 2! j1s scored one by penalty! penalty shoot out was nervous but fun haha! was relieved when i scored. chris was a monster lar, she can run everywhere. val dribbled past almost everyone. yiting saved so many penalities!

but j1s were aggressive. jingwen and szeting kept marking me, until make me so pek chek. sharron was so scary, but i'm glad bren made her fall! iezah made such huge improvements, saving so many goals! anyway, hope bren's legs are ohhk! i hope coach will organise more friendlies for j1s to gain more experience.

gave out the Bird Nest keychain souvenirs and made them guessed what it was. chai was the fastest in guessing it, while coach was the slowest! i gave him all the hints but he was still completely at sea. and when i told him it was the Bird Nest stadium, he told me he didnt see how the stadium looked like before -_-

so anyway, after match which ended damn late into the evening, we went for dinner at jp mac(it was almost 9 already), cause i want to rent dvds from jp. sitting down with the girls as we occupy one whole row of tables, brings back good memories after every soccer training. like how we use to dily daly after every trainings, and how we used to go for meals after every match and trainings. wow, time certainly flies! but i belive, this would definitely not be the last time we gather and meet, nor would it be the last time we play together.

throughout the whole time together yesterday, before and after the match, we kept discussing about the prom night and shatricia. those who looked at the photos or went to the prom said she was really really beautiful. i saw the pics, and yes, she looks jaw-dropping and absolutely stunning in the beautiful white gown. jas kept going about her non-stop haha. but still, N is my eye candy ohhk! even though if she's muscular. but she's got nice abs, and nice legs. she's got a pan-asian look, she's sporty and she's HOT. i remember how crazy i could get when she was still in jj. kind of a stalker and jalaine was too! haha. but now, dont think she blogs anymore damn. cant look at her drop dead gorgeous photos!

soccer makes me happy, and so do the soccerrettes.

if, before i've chosen the jc or poly path, and God showed me that i would fail my As if i were to go jc, i would definitely still choose the jj route. because, i would never trade my team and soccer experience for anything.

and i should really get down to finding a job soon! would do so with jingwen! :D damn, jj no vancancy for relief pe teacher.

and huiying! $10 ktv at chinatown soon! :D

AND! street soccer please!